85 Funny Christmas Jokes to Entertain the Family This Year

It's the most wonderful time of the year! With all of the hustle and bustle of buying Christmas presents and then wrapping them, planning the perfect Christmas dinner menu, checking out all of the latest Elf on the Shelf ideas, and baking plenty of cookies for Santa, this time of year can get stressful. We love taking some time out from all of the stressful parts of the season to spend time with our family telling funny Christmas jokes.

We've got you covered with the best jokes about the jolliest time of the year, from Santa jokes to reindeer jokes to holiday puns (and even Christmas dad jokes!). Next time you're gathered with the kids, see if you can get a ho-ho-ho out of them with these funny one-liners. If you're looking for the perfect lighthearted message to write in your Christmas cards, try one of these jokes. But most of all, sit back and take in the the true magic of this season.

Jokes About Christmas Presents

• What did Santa say on Christmas morning? That's a wrap!
• Why is a foot a good Christmas gift? It fits right in a stocking.
• Why does a broken drum make a good Christmas present? It can't be beat.
• I can always predict what's inside a Christmas present. It's a gift.
• How many presents can Santa fit in an empty sack? Just one. After that, it's not empty!
• What animal is best at wrapping gifts? Velociraptor
• I tried wrapping gifts all by myself this year, but it's not my gift.
• Why couldn't the teacher couldn't find anyone to help her with her gifts? No one was present.
• Buying presents this year is a bit of a tree-for-all.
• What do you get when Santa brings in the presents and a fire is burning? Crisp Kringle.
• My wife said if she didn't like my Christmas gift she'd burn it. So I got her a candle.
• What's the scariest thing about the holidays? The ghost of Christmas presents.

Funny Christmas Jokes

• What do you call Santa’s most impolite reindeer? Rude-olph.
• What does Santa eat for breakfast? Frosted Flakes.
• What's red, white, and blue all over? A sad candy cane.
• What do you call Santa when he's wearing ear muffs? Anything, he can't hear you.
• What do snowmen call their offspring? Chill-dren.
• Where does Santa cash his checks? At the snow bank.
• What's Santa's favorite candy? Jolly Ranchers.
• What's a Christmas tree's favorite candy? Orna-mints.
• What's red and green and flies? A sleigh-sick Santa.
• What did one snowman say to the other snowman? Does it smell like carrots?
• What do you call a pig pen in winter? A pig-loo.
• Who delivers Christmas presents to cats and dogs? Santa Paws.
• What do you call a snowman in the desert? An oasis.
• What's big and jolly and says, "Oh, oh, oh"? Santa Claus walking backwards.
• Where does Santa stop for coffee? Star-bucks.
• What do Christmas trees get when they go numb? Pines and needles!
• What falls at the North Pole but never gets hurt? Snow!
• What do snowmen wear on their heads? Snow caps.
• Where do elves go to vote? The north poll.
• Why can't Santa say the alphabet? Because there is no L.
• What does a gingerbread man use to make his bed? A cookie sheet.
• How do Christmas trees get ready for a party? They spruce up!
• Where do little trees go to become Christmas trees? Elementree school!
• Why is a Christmas tree so bad at knitting? They have too many needles.
• What does a stingy sheep say? Bah-humbug.
• What does a bunny rabbit hang by the fireplace? Celery stalk-ings.
• What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas quacker.
• What's Santa's favorite type of music? Wrap.

Christmas Dad Jokes

• What smells most on Christmas? Santa's nose.
• Which of Santa's friends is the most chill? Jack Frost.
• How is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and a guy in a suit gets all the credit.
• How much did Santa's sleigh cost? It was on the house.
• Did Rudolph go to school? No he was 'elf' taught.
• What does Santa call the reindeer with no eyes? I have no eyed deer.
• What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked up in the sky? Looks like rein, deer!
• Which of Santa's reindeer are dinosaurs afraid of? Comet.
• Why is Santa scared of chimneys? Because he's claus-trophobic.
• How you can tell that Santa is real? You can always sense his presents.
• What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish.
• Why did Mrs. Claus get mad at Santa? Because her husband was a flake.
• Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? Because the present's beneath them.
• What’s a reindeer’s favorite game? Stable tennis.
• Why was Santa's little helper so sad? He had low elf-esteem.
• What do reindeer say before telling a joke? This one will sleigh you!
• Who is Santa's least favorite reindeer? Rude-olph.
• How do you get into a reindeer’s house? Ring the deer-bell.
• Why did Santa go to the liquor store? He was looking for holiday spirits.
• What do you call Santa's little helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
• What kind of money do reindeer use? Bucks!
• What do reindeer use to communicate? The antlernet.
• What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? Horn-aments.
• What do you call a reindeer on Halloween? A cariBOO!

Christmas One-Liners

• Treat yo'elf.
• We have great chemis-tree.
• I once made a snowman laugh so hard, he made yellow snow.
• I’ll never fir-get.
• Let’s get elf-ed up.
• Believe in your elf.
• Have your elf a merry little Christmas.
• Don't get caught elvesdropping on Santa!
• That holiday sweater is so ugly, the word "ugly" filed a defamation suit against it.
• Get the elf out of here.
• A round of Santa-plause, please.
• Santa cleans his sleigh with Santa-tizer.
• You know you overdid it on Christmas when aliens discover our planet, thanks to your light display.
• Treat yo'elf.
• Let’s get elf-ed up.
• Believe in your elf.
• Have your elf a merry little Christmas.
• Christmas has me feeling extra Santa-mental.
• Don't get caught elvesdropping on Santa!
• Get the elf out of here.
• That holiday sweater is so ugly, it gives Stephen King nightmares.